I'm Not Supposed To Be The Patient Here
by WinryMarellie
Summary: Rose is burdened by one of her patients who went through similar situations that she went through years prior with Kanaya. It keeps bringing back this painful memories, and the situation itself is causing her to become confused herself. Warning: Mild cursing and bullying
1. Chapter 1

The woman sat down her glass of tea on the table. The tinted liquid moving slightly before it settled itself back into the cup, finding it's equilibrium. The woman exhaled as she scribbled through a few things, mostly her notes upon the last therapy session she encountered. Something about a child who was dealing with discovering their inner self. Their realization that they were falling in love with someone who most other kids like them did not.

The blonde chewed on the end of her pen for a moment, then picked up her glass of tea once more, taking another sip. She was scheduled to meet up with the child again later that week, well, she could really hardly call the person a child. Really more of a teen would have fit the description better. A confused teen, one that didn't really know much about their own ambitions, but was hoping to soon find out.

"Rose?" another woman asked, walking into the kitchen.

The blonde looked up from her notepad and smiled, "Ah, hello Kanaya."

Kanaya walked over to the counter, gently taking the teapot off the stove, pouring herself a cup before turning back to Rose. "Still looking over that same child, are you?" she asked, walking over to the table and taking a seat across from her.

"Yes." she admitted, letting out a sigh as she sat the notepad down onto the table.

Kanaya smiled, taking a sip of her own tea before looking across the table at Rose, "I noticed you seem to have a particular interest with this patient. Any particular reason?"

Rose glanced over the table and smiled at the woman before closing her eyes for a brief moment, taking her pen back in her hand, "She reminds me a lot of myself when I was that age." Rose admitted, glancing back down at the notepad, of all the things she had taken note of during the last session she and the girl had together.

"Oh?" Kanaya asked, raising a brow, "Is she, too, in love with an alien?"

The blonde couldn't help but let a chuckle escape from her lips, "Not quite the same case, no." Rose picked up her cup, taking a small sip before gazing back over at Kanaya, "The girl is confused." she stated, "She doesn't know if what she is feeling is correct, but she can't deny that there is something there, and she is absolutely certain that she wants to pursue it."

Kanaya laced her fingers together, resting her chin upon them, as if taking interest, "Please, continue."

The other woman tapped the pen on the pad and pointed to something she had written down, "She says she thinks she is in love, but it afraid to admit it at the same time. She doesn't want to change anything, to make it awkward, in fear of unreciprocated love."

"Has she said anything about the person she is in love with?" Kanaya asked.

Rose shook her head in response, "Alas, she has not. That's what I want to work on in our next session."

Kanaya nodded and stood, walking over to Rose and stood next to her, placing an arm around her shoulder, "Just don't be up too late on this. I know you get sucked into you work quite easily." She looked down at the blonde human, "I'd prefer not to go to bed alone this time."

Rose glanced up at Kanaya, placing her hand on top of the one on her shoulder. "Don't worry, I promise to you that I will be there tonight." she flashed a smile at her.

Kanaya smiled back then let go, "Alright, well I am going to go work on some designs, I have a meeting tomorrow morning with a big clothing line."

Rose still held on to her hand, giving it a soft kiss before letting go. "Good luck, I'm sure they will love your designs."

The alien girl smiled and thanked her before exiting the room. As soon as she had exited, Rose lifted up her notepad once more, tapping her fingers on the table as she stared at the words she had written upon the paper. It was merely scribbles of the patient's rambles, general summaries of each problem the girl had unleashed.

In all honesty, she felt bad for her patient, because she knew exactly how the girl was feeling, having experienced it herself when she was a teen. It was tough, she was completely aware of that, and even now, there were always still going to be some struggles. Some weren't comfortable with going to a psychiatrist who had a domestic partner, so she often had to keep her personal affairs private, not mention Kanaya in meetings or anything. Sometimes even hide some of the pictures of her in her office. It was difficult, and she hated it, but it was something that sometimes had to be done.

Perhaps that's why she related to this particular patient. She knew her exact feelings.

Rose arose from her chair and took her cup, setting it into the sink before walking with her notepad over to the glass sliding door that led to the patio. She opened it and walked out to her patio, the blue sky above reflected onto the water that drained from beneath her house into a glorious waterfall.

She sighed and took a seat, looking back down at her notepad.

"Oh Rose?" she heard suddenly and looked up. The tone was muted, as if the person was inside the house calling for her. Rose peered inside and saw Kanaya wandering the kitchen, looking around.

Rose waved a hand, "Out here, Kanaya." she called out.

Kanaya looked out the glass then smiled, "Ah, there you are!" she replied and opened the glass, walking out to meet her. "Do you mind if I steal you away from you analyzing for a moment? I need you to help me with something."

"Of course." Rose replied, standing up, "Anything that you need. What is it?"

Kanaya walked along side Rose back into the house, "I just need you to try something on, I want to see how it looks."

"Why me?" she asked in response, "Shouldn't you be tailoring more towards your models rather than myself?"

"Well, yes." Kanaya admitted, "But I believe it matches your coloring best, so I just want to see how it will look. You don't mind, do you?"

Rose shook her head as she walked with Kanaya into her studio. "Not at all." she replied.

The room was coated with pictures of outfits, along with ideas that had been sketched out. Half sewn outfits, figures with clothes pinned to them, various fabrics lying around the place. One could call it cluttered if they weren't aware of Kanaya's constant working, giving no time to really organize the place.

Kanaya walked a little faster, over to one of the figures as she slid a dress off, bringing it back over to Rose. "Please change into this, I want to see if there are any alterations that I should do to the design."

Rose nodded, taking the dress from her and walking over to the screen Kanaya had set up for people to change behind. Rose stepped behind it, beginning to strip off her clothes and drape them over the screen.

Kanaya sat down, waiting for Rose to finish as she watched her silhouette move. Rose was a lovely person, Kanaya definitely couldn't deny that. Everything from her brain to her body was remarkable. A small smile crossed Kanaya's lips as she watched the other girl's figure move.

"Alright, I have it on." Rose commented, taking a step out from behind the screen. "I must say, it's a rather nice design, Kanaya."

Kanaya snapped out of her thoughts and stood once more, "Yes," she spoke, walking over to Rose, eyeing the dress, "I think it turned out rather well." She placed a hand on Rose's back, leading her over to the mirrors she had set up, "Come, why don't you take a better look at it."

Rose agreed and walked with her to the mirrors set up, allowing her to view every angle of the dress. It was a nice, lovely lavender that looked rather sophisticated in design, perfect for the summer line that was coming up in the next few months. "Kanaya, I don't know how you continue to come up with such beautiful things."

"I have an eye for fashion." Kanaya admitted, standing next to Rose as she stared at their reflections in the mirror. "Besides, I always have something there to inspire me."

"Oh?" Rose asked, looking at Kanaya from the corner of her eye. "What might it be?"

Kanaya closed her eyes for a brief moment, "Yes." she opened them again, smiling at the reflection of the two of them together. "Knowing I get to make lovely outfits for you is quite the inspiration."

Rose felt her cheeks flush lightly as she smiled, "You always do make quite the lovely outfits for me."

"Because I know what looks best on you." Kanaya replied, then began to tug at the fabric a bit, "There are a few things I want to fix though on the hemming." she commented, turning Rose's body so that she could get a better look. She tugged at a few more things, straightening them out as she made a face in response. "Rose, would you mind wearing this a bit longer so I can fix some things, make sure they look right?"

"Of course." Rose replied. Kanaya would always have her do things like this, and she never minded. The girl went ahead and walked over to the stand that Kanaya had set up, Kanaya followed with a pin cushion and knelt down beside her.

The whole process took quite some time.

"Kanaya..." Rose spoke randomly.

"Hm?" she replied, taking a pin and sticking it into the fabric.

"I was thinking about that girl-"

"Dear, can you turn around please?" Kanaya interrupted.

"Of course," Rose replied, doing as Kanaya had instructed, turning her back to face her. "But as I was saying, with that girl. I don't know what exactly to tell her."

"I thought you told me that you could connect to her."

Rose frowned, "Yes, that is in fact the case, but for some reason I just can't get the thoughts in my mind as to how to explain it all to her, how to cope through it all."

Kanaya stared up at Rose, sensing her troubled mind about the issue at hand. She let go of the fabric she had in hand and stood.

"Oh, are you done?" Rose asked, noticing that Kanaya was no longer tugging on the material.

"No, not quite, please turn around again." Kanaya instucted.

Rose did as she was told, turning around, slightly shocked that Kanaya was standing there. The alien girl reached her hands out, adjusting a decor on the front of the dress. "Rose, you are an intelligent person." she commented as she messed with the fabric. "I'm sure you will figure something out."

Rose looked down at Kanaya's hands as she spoke, then back up at the girl's face, who was still focused on the outfit. She let out a small sigh and smiled, "Thank you, Kanaya."

"Of course." she replied, letting go of the material, "You can go slip that off now and return to your regular clothes if you wish."

"Of course." Rose replied, making her way over to the screen once more, disappearing behind it and reappearing as a silhouette. Kanaya let out a small sigh in response and watched her once more, waiting for the dress to be returned to her.


	2. Chapter 2

Kanaya entered the bedroom in which she shared with Rose, letting out a small sigh as she presumed once again, she would be heading to bed alone because Rose chose to stay up late, thinking about her patients.

"Something troubling you?" she heard a voice speak. Kanaya looked up, directing her attention over to the bed and smiled. Sitting there was Rose, already in her nightgown, a book in her hand as she flipped through the pages, her eyes not leaving the text for a brief moment.

Kanaya shook her head as she walked over to the bed, standing at the end as she took off her night robe, revealing her gown underneath. "No, not at all." she replied, draping it over her arm before she walked to the bathroom, jointly shared with the bedroom, and placed the robe on a hanger in there.

"Well that's good at least." Rose replied, turning the page once more.

"I must say though, I am awfully surprised to see you in bed though the same time as myself. I must say it's been a while." Kanaya commented, walking out of the bathroom and turning off the light. The rest of the room was dimly lit, the only light source coming from the lamp next to Rose's bed by which she was using to read.

A small smile crossed Rose's lips, her eyes still fixed on the text, "I told you that I would be in bed tonight. Remember?"

"Of course I do." Kanaya replied.

"Then why are you surprise?" Rose asked, then suddenly felt her hair being brushed back by the other girl's hand, the blonde strands now being pushed behind one of her ears. Rose looked up, to find Kanaya leaning over her, smiling for a brief moment before looking down at the book.

"Reading Lovecraft again?" she asked, "How many times have you read his stories now?" She asked. Kanaya was well aware that Rose had read the book many times based on it's worn condition, more than likely it was the one that contained the infamous Cthulhu, which wouldn't have surprised her in the least.

"Too many for me to count." Rose replied.

"Then maybe you should put it up for now." Kanaya suggested.

Rose quirked a brow then quickly caught on, setting the book aside on the nightstand. The instant she did, Kanaya's lips were upon hers, captivating her, pulling her in as the alien girl's hands began to wander.

Rose turned off the bedside lamp.

The next morning, Rose had awoken to a stream of sunlight peering in. She groaned a bit, shielding her eyes as she glanced over at the clock. It appeared she had woken up before her alarm had the chance to go off and she let out a sigh. It was really no use getting up before the time she was supposed to, so she figured she would lay there a little longer.

She looked down to find Kanaya still sleeping, her head laying against Rose's chest, her arms wrapped around her torso. Rose pulled up the blanket a bit, noting that it had slid down and covered the two of them better, trying to keep their bodies warm.

Rose glanced around the room briefly, not entirely sure as to where her nightgown had landed the night prior, but presumed it was close. It must have been at the end of the bed, or on the floor next to her. Both of those seemed logical after the events of the night prior. She let out a small sigh and laid her head back down. She was entirely sure as to if she should go back to bed, or if she should remain awake for those last few minutes before the alarm so rudely awakened them.

She also debated as to whether or not she should wake Kanaya. It would have been much more soothing had she woken up by her partner, rather than by a noisy alarm clock that jerked you out of a sleep. However, Kanaya looked so peaceful, Rose would have felt guilty to wake her.

To her luck, however, Rose did not need to do such as she felt the light tickle of Kanaya's eyelashes barely fluttering against her skin as she opened her eyes. The alien remained there for a moment, still holding herself close to Rose as if she were taking in her scent, inhaling the beauty of the one she loved so fondly.

After a few brief moments, she looked up at Rose, who was smiling down at her. "Good morning." Kanaya finally spoke before slipping away from Rose, sitting up. "What time is it?"

"A little before seven thirty." Rose replied, sitting up as well, glancing across the bed to find her nightgown dangling off the side. She reached for it and seized it, slipping the fabric back onto her body.

Kanaya smiled and stood, picking hers off from the ground next to the bed and putting it on, "Well, it's lovely to know that we got up early. I'm going to go wash myself up then fix us something for breakfast."

Rose smiled and got out of bed, "Please, don't worry about it, I'll go get breakfast started while you do that." she walked over to the bathroom, grabbing her own robe and putting it on, "You have your meeting with that clothing line today, am I correct?" she asked, walking towards their bedroom exit, "Please, let me fix you something."

And with that, Rose exited the room and allowed the rest of the day to continue rather smoothly. As Kanaya left, she granted her a kiss on the cheek, only to quickly wipe off the light make up from her lips. She looked down at the fingers, at the peach tone that seemed to almost blend with her own. It was amazing what Kanaya could do with her makeup, it was even more spectacular that she could pull off being human, even with her horns. She some how worked them into her fashion, and no one ever questioned it simply because she was a fashion designer, and they presumed she was just doing some odd quirk.

Rose watched her exit before returning to her own routine. She was to head down to her office for a session with a boy later in the day, one suffering from depression, or at least that was what his parents had believed him to be suffering from.

By the time she had made it to her office, she had just enough time before the patient arrived to straighten up a few things. This included taking down the photos of Kanaya she had placed up. It was honestly a hassle to constantly remove them and place them back up, but Rose refused to keep them down forever. She enjoyed having the pictures of Kanaya and her in her office space, for some reason it gave her a sense of motivation.

But, she had to be considerate of how her patients and their parents would feel, knowing that their psychiatrist was in a relationship with a female, and she simply couldn't lie and tell them she was a close friend. It simply didn't feel right in Rose's mind set. It was better to just not let the topic come up in conversation and to avoid it as much as possible, just never bring it up.

She placed the last frame into her desk drawer and closed it, just as the secretary outside paged her, stating that the boy had arrived. Rose welcomed for him to come in, and she watched as a shaggy haired teen emerge from the door.

"Please, take a seat." Rose spoke in a kind tone, moving from her desk over to her chair as she took her notepad out.

It was probably a good solid our that she spent conversing with the boy. He explained how he thought his parents must have been crazy, how he wasn't doing the things they thought he was, how he was positive he was living a rather happy life. Rose took note of all of it, shared a few words, right before he told her that he didn't really need the opinion of some doctor to tell him what he could figure out himself.

A sassy child, yes something that came around quite common in these parts. She felt lucky however, that despite his reluctance to accept her help, he continued to ramble. Perhaps it was all the boy needed, just someone to yell it out to, a way to release that inner anger.

She met with the boy's parents soon after, explaining what she uncovered in the session. She soon sent them on their way after they spoke about scheduling him again for another session the following week.

Things quickly grew silent after the family left, and Rose let out a small sigh. She didn't have any other appointments for the morning, her next was scheduled for some time in the early afternoon. She opened her drawer once more, taking out the images and setting them back up once more. A smile crossed her lips as she looked at the image of Kanaya's face. There is was, her inspiration.

"Dr. Lalonde?" Rose heard suddenly from the intercom on her desk. Her secretary was trying to get her attention once more, "You have a visitor."

Rose walked over to her desk, "A visitor?" she asked in return, "Well, please send them in."

"Yes ma'am." the woman replied. On the other side of the door, the secretary smiled up at the woman standing opposite of her desk, "You may go right on ahead, Dr. Lalonde will be in her office waiting for you."

The woman smiled in response, "Thank you, I appreciate it."

As she walked past, the secretary stared at her from the corner of her eye. Those horns, they always struck her as odd. She didn't really know that woman's relationship to Rose, but she saw her frequently, so assumed she must have been a close friend to the woman. She shrugged and picked up the book she had lying on her desk, shrugging the thought off of her mind.

Rose sat at her desk and watched as the door opened, "Rose?" the woman spoke, and soon was revealed to be Kanaya.

"Ah, Kanaya." Rose smiled, standing up from her desk. Kanaya walked over to her desk and stood next to it, smiling back at the blonde. "How did the meeting go?" Rose asked.

Kanaya gave a small shrug as she smiled, "I say it went rather lovely. They really enjoyed the designs and are going to feature them for their summer catalogue."

"Oh, Kanaya." Rose replied, some excitement in her tone, "That's just lovely." she leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the lips, "I knew they would love your designs."

The other girl let out a small chuckle, "Thank you," she spoke, placing her hand on top of Rose's, "Are you going to be free for lunch? I was thinking we-"

"Ma'am, Dr. Lalonde is with a visitor right now!" a voice suddenly called out from behind the door. The two women looked over.

"Who's that?" Kanaya asked.

"My secretary..." Rose spoke, her tone sounding bother confused and curious.

"You can't go in there right now! Miss-" it was too late, a girl came barging through the door, stopping dead in her tracks. She stared at the two women, and Rose quickly retreated her hand from Kanaya's before saying anything. She could see her secretary standing on the other side of the door.

"I'm so sorry Dr. Lalonde!" the secretary apologized instantly, "I told her you were busy, here let me call security-"

"No, it's fine." Rose spoke, then moved her hand a bit, signaling to the secretary that she could return to her desk. She looked over at the girl, this had been the patient that she had been wracking her mind over most recently. "Why did you come today? You aren't scheduled till tomorrow."

The girl seemed out of breath, as if she had ran to her office from somewhere else. "I'm sorry." she breathed, walking over to her desk. It appeared she didn't even notice Kanaya's presence at first, "I just really needed to talk to you-Oh, I am so sorry!" she spoke, suddenly becoming aware of Kanaya standing next to the desk.

"It's fine." Kanaya replied with a smile, then stepped away from the desk, feeling somewhat awkward. "I'll leave you two to converse." she looked over at Rose, "Just give me a call or something and let me know, alright?"

"Sounds fine, thank you, Kanaya." Rose replied, and gave her a small wave as she exited, then turned back to look at the girl. "Why did you decide to come at this time?"

The girl fidgeted a bit then sighed, "I just, I really need your help..."


	3. Chapter 3

"Well, Irene, what seems to be the trouble?" Rose asked, sitting down behind her desk. She looked at the girl standing across on the other side and sighed. She looked to be exhausted, and rose quickly offered her a seat. "Please, sit down."

The girl was quick to grab a chair, sitting down and catching her breath. When getting a closer look, you could see that she had light brown hair that extended down to her shoulders that looked to be windblown. Her skin was light and clear, not really any blemishes aside from some minor acne near her hairline, something that could easily be corrected. She was of rather nice physique, probably athletic or something. There was no doubt she more than likely participated in a sport.

"Again, I'm sorry-"

"Please don't feel the need to apologize, Irene. Really, it's no trouble." Rose interjected.

The girl nodded, "Well, I just really needed to talk to you." she let out a sigh, "So, I just. I don't know what I should be feeling right now."

"What do you mean?" Rose asked, quirking a brow.

"Well, the person I like-"

"You mean the girl you've mentioned before?" Rose inquired.

The girl nodded, "Yeah." she let out a deep breath, "she just-" it looked at though the girl was fumbling over her words, as if she didn't exactly know what to say.

"You can trust me, you know." Rose reassured her, hoping that maybe her words might give the girl more confidence to say what she felt.

Irene looked down at her hands, then gazed back up at Rose with her large, dark eyes. "She's just really awesome. And I think she knows that I like her."

"Is this bad?" Rose asked, lacing her fingers together and setting her chin on top of them. "You wanted to tell her, right?"

The girl nodded, biting her lower lip, "Yeah...it's just..." she paused again, trying to search for the words. Rose remained quiet in response, giving the girl time to find her words. "What if she doesn't like me? I don't know what I would do. It just doesn't feel like it's worth it for anyone to know if I'm going to be alone in it all."

Rose was silent. She closed her eyes for a moment, thinking about what Irene had just told her. Unfortunately, the words she spoke echoed in her mind, back to her youth, back to when she once said the same thing. It was quite odd, how something so similar was able to occur now.

"Why do you feel as though you would be alone?" Rose finally asked, opening her eyes again.

The girl was silent for a long while, then looked at the frame on Rose's desk. Before Rose could say a thing, the girl had picked it up and was holding it in her hands, staring at the image. Rose silently cursed herself, she hadn't had the chance to put any of the pictures away sue to Irene's sudden appearance. All she could do was just act like it was nothing, not let the fact she saw the picture phase her at all.

"She's really pretty." Irene commented, looking at the picture. The image was of Rose and Kanaya sitting together at a cafe out of town when they were off visiting one of Rose's friends from long ago. When they were sitting there, enjoying their drinks, John ended up snapping a picture when they were both smiling, the two completely unaware of the photograph till John sent it to her after they returned home. It ended up being one of Rose's favorite pictures of Kanaya, so she had kept a special place for it on her desk.

However, Rose said nothing to the girl's comment about Kanaya. Silently in her mind, she agreed that Kanaya was in fact rather pretty in her mind, but she refrained from allowing her lips to say it.

Irene looked back at Rose, "This is that same woman who was in here earlier, wasn't she?"

Rose couldn't lie and nodded in response, "Indeed she is."

The girl looked back at the photo, "Is she your friend or something, Dr. Lalonde?"

The blonde was silent for a long while then let out a sigh before speaking again, "You could say that. We are incredibly close."

Irene smiled and sat the frame back down on the desk, "That must be really nice, to have a friend like that that you are so close to."

Rose frowned, "Do you not have any friends?"

She shook her head in response. "Sadly, no. You are probably the only person I have to put trust into to be honest." The girl sounded ashamed of herself for that being a fact.

The woman frowned for a moment, then smiled, "Well, I am quite honored to have the privelege of getting to know Irene for who she truly is. Now, please continue, why do you feel you would be alone?"

A small smile seemed twitch across Irene's face, which caused Rose's eyes to soften. The girl continued, "Well, it's just that whenever people come out at my school, it gets really hard-"

"They get ridiculed, bullied, don't they?" Rose interrupted.

Irene looked up, "How do you know that?"

Rose closed her eyes again, not responding immediately.

"_Fag!" one child shouted, at Rose as she walked down the hall of her school. The insult was rather common, one that she heard all the time. She felt so alone, so heartbroken, why did she have to go through this all?_

"_Heads up." one kid spoke as he slammed his hand on top of the books she was holding, knocking them out of her hands as the papers scattered across the hall._

_Rose bent over to pick them up, just to get kicked by a passing by student. God how she hated all of them, how she wanted to lock all of them up in a psych ward for being unable to understand how each emotional interest was different for the individual. She wished she could reeducate all of them and save them from their own ignorance. God how she hated them all._

_However, she would not allow herself to cry, not here. She couldn't allow them to see her weakness, she couldn't give them anything else to pry from. The more she could shut herself off from the rest of the masses, the more she could keep them from bullying her for._

_Rose managed to make it to the bathroom where she locked herself into a stall. She could hear the conversations of girls standing outside near the sinks. They had noted her passing and decided to make comments, just to see how they could toy with the young teens emotions._

"_It's disgusting how they just let lesbians in here like that." one of the girls stated._

"_I know!" her friend replied. "I mean like, jeez, I don't want a girl staring at me and junk! It's even worse to know they are allowed to share a locker room with us too!"_

"_For real!" the other spoke, "We might as well just put them with the guys because I just straight up don't feel okay about some girl staring at my boobs. It's weird as hell!"_

_Rose leaned against the bathroom stall, listening to them. She wanted to tell them that it was more than just a physical thing, that there was an emotional aspect to it as well. However, Rose just couldn't find her voice. She could only sit there and despise all of them in silence._

_As soon as she heard them leave, and silence took over the bathroom, Rose felt a tear fall down her cheek. She wanted someone there to tell her it was okay, someone to give her comfort, but there was no one. Why did she make this mistake? Why did she decide to come out? Why did she let the others know? How stupid had she been...how she regretted all of it._

_The thing that killed her the most however was how the entire world was against her, she felt as though she had no one. Not even the teachers bothered to say a thing when they saw her being bullied. It was simply a subject too sensitive for them to touch upon._

_Rose slid to the floor, covering her face with her hands as she let out her sobs. She hated this school, she hated these people. She hated everyone and everything._

"_Dr. Lalonde?" Irene asked, looking curiously at her from across the desk._

_Rose opened her eyes once more, "Forgive me," she spoke, "I was just thinking." She stood from behind her desk, "I need to think a few things over, why don't you come back tomorrow for your session, and will talk all about this?"_

_Irene stood and smiled, "That would be really amazing, Dr. Lalonde."_

_Rose smiled at her, "Good, now run along, alright?"_

_The girl nodded and waved goodbye, "Thank you so much." she spoke before exiting out the door._

_The woman watched as she left and let out a sigh, sitting back down at her desk. She picked up the picture frame once more, staring at Kanaya as she whispered, "You are the one that made everything completely worth it." and sat the frame back down._

_She picked up her phone and dialed Kanaya's number. After several rings, the woman picked up._

"_Hello, Kanaya?" Rose spoke, "I'll be free to go have lunch with you. Where do you want to meet?" On the other end, Kanaya mentioned a place and a time. Rose replied in telling her how that was fine, then hung up the phone and grabbed her bag, walking out of her office and closing the door behind her._

_She stood there for a moment, not moving as she stared at the doorknob. The secretary looked curiously at her. "Dr. Lalonde?" she questioned, "Are you alright?" _

_Rose looked back at the secretary and smiled, "Yes, yes. I am fine." _

"_What did the girl want?" she asked._

_Rose shook her head and began walking off towards the front door, "She just needed to talk about something. It's nothing to fret about." she paused for a moment and turned, "But, would you mind that the next time she comes, regardless of the reason, you simply just send her in? I don't mind her stopping by if she need to."_

_The secretary blinked several times, "Of course, Dr. Lalonde."_

"_Thank you." Rose replied with a smile, "Now, I am going to head out to lunch. I should be returning soon." she turned away once more and exited out the front door. _


	4. Chapter 4

Several minutes had passed when Rose pulled up in front of the restaurant Kanaya instructed her to meet her at. It was a rather small place with an open air patio. She had gotten out of her car to discover Kanaya had already been seated, and she quickly walked over to join her.

"Sorry about earlier." Rose instantly apologized as she took her seat.

"It's-" before Kanaya could even reply, the waitress came by to ask Rose and Kanaya for their drinks.

"Water will be fine." Rose spoke.

"Same for me, thank you." Kanaya replied then watched as the waitress wandered off to fetch their beverages. When she was gone, she turned back to Rose, "Please, don't worry, it is entirely fine that such a thing happened. You need to help your patients, correct?"

Rose nodded and opened her menu, "Thank you go understanding."

The other woman was silent for a moment as she watched Rose. She appeared to be a little unsettled, her body language was odd, different from the Rose that she had grown accustomed to. Something clearly was probing at her mind.

Kanaya released a small sigh, "She was the girl you have been racking you brain over, isn't she?" the woman questioned, staring at Rose from across the table.

Before Rose could answer, the waitress had returned with their drinks, "Do you need any more time to look over the menus?"

They both shook their head and took their orders. They had been to the place before and were both aware as to what they did and did not care for from the restaurant. They waitress smiled and took down their orders before taking their menus away, running off in another direction.

Once again they were alone, and Rose looked over at Kanaya, "Yes, that was her."

Kanaya closed her eyes and nodded, resting her chin on top of her hands. "So that's what's troubling you, isn't it?"

Rose was quiet and took a sip of her water, "I never mentioned that it was troubling me."

The other woman opened her eyes once more and smiled. Her eyes looked so soft and kind, "I know you refrained from telling me, but it doesn't mean that I didn't care to take notice." She leaned back a bit and crossed her legs, "What did she come to talk to you about? It seemed like it might have troubled you."

A smirk played across Rose's lips, "Are you suddenly going to start analyzing everything about me? Isn't that supposed to be my job?"

Kanaya shrugged, a smile still upon her face, "What can I say? Perhaps I have picked up a bit on your habits, your mannerisms. Now, what seems to be the problem?"

Rose couldn't help but smile as she laid one hand atop the other, setting them on top of the table. "I think you are the only one capable of seeing through me like this." She let out a small sigh then looked up at Kanaya, "It's just strange, I feel as though I almost can see myself in the girl."

Kanaya turned her head to the side, out of both curiosity and interest. "Oh?" she asked, "What makes you say that."

She frowned in response, "The things she tells me, they are so strikingly similar." The memory form before flashed through Rose's mind and her eyes grew grim, "Sometimes I want to tell her how it feels, how I can understand her pain, and tell her what to do, how what she is going to try is such a mistake, how she will regret it all-"

She stopped suddenly when she felt Kanaya's hand upon hers. Rose looked into Kanaya's eyes and didn't say another word. Kanaya was frowning, her expression looked as though she almost pitied both Rose and the girl for having to feel this way about it all.

"I don't know the feeling." She whispered to Rose, "I never dealt with the ridicule when I was that age, I only dealt with the heartbreak and I remember how it was terrible. But, I never went through the issues of my life choices that people here seem to be subjected to, so it's hard for me to understand how this girl must feel, how you must feel..."

Kanaya leaned a bit across the table, brushing Rose's cheek with her hand softly. Kanaya could see the pain that she was keeping locked up behind her lavender eyes and it hurt her as well. "However, I know that you are strong, I know you will tell her the right thing to do."

Rose smiled at Kanaya in response and thanked her in a hushed tone. Kanaya retreated back to her chair afterwards, but still kept her hand on top of Rose's. Kanaya did not say anything else, she just smiled at her partner, hoping that her words had made some influence. And it appeared they did, she could notice Rose seemed to have eased up a bit.

"Here you are." The waitress interrupted again. Rose was quick to retreat her hand from under Kanaya's and place it on her lap before the waitress could look back again and set their plates in front of the two women.

"Thank you." Rose spoke as the waitress smiled and walked off.

Kanaya didn't say anything. She just sat there frozen for a moment, staring at her hand, which sat with abandon on top of the table. It laid there for a moment before she slowly slipped it back into her lap. She didn't comment, she wouldn't ever comment. This wasn't the first time Rose did something like this.

The woman remained silent as she lifted her fork, bringing her food to her mouth and chewing it slowly as thoughts blew through her mind. The thoughts felt dull, lifeless, but they continued to remain, like a heavy sack of bricks that just sat there, not doing anything but couldn't be moved. Rose always did this in public, she always refrained from showing Kanaya any affection. It honestly irritated the alien girl, but more so it just upset her. She refused to comment on it, however, because she was far too considerate of Rose's feelings to ever speak out.

She was well aware as to how Rose couldn't be comfortable with it. Even though she knew Rose loved her, she knew that she just wouldn't be able to show it in public. Unlike Kanaya, Rose had grown up in a society where being with the same gender was uncommon, and could often ruin things like social lives, or even business in Rose's case. The thing hardly mattered to Kanaya, but she knew that Rose was incredibly cautious about every interaction they had that wasn't behind closed doors.

The only time she ever held Kanaya's hand was when it was under the table, or in a theater where no one could see. The only time she graced Kanaya's lips with a kiss was when everyone else was turned away. The thought frustrated Kanaya, because more than anything, she just wanted Rose to be open with her. She wanted to feel like they were a real couple somewhere besides at their home.

But Rose wouldn't do that. She was fully aware.

Kanaya let out a sigh before taking another bite of her food, only to soon after set the fork down. She had completely lost her appetite with all these thoughts weighing heavy on her shoulders.

Rose looked up at her, "Kanaya? Is something troubling you?"

"No," she smiled up at Rose, "I just realized that I am not too terribly hungry after all. I feel rather bad actually to be wasting the meal."

Rose frowned in response, "Well, I would hate for you to grow hungry later. Ask the waitress if you can have it to go and you can just take it with you."

Kanaya nodded, "Yes, that sounds like a good idea."

The rest of the meal just involved rather light conversation. Nothing really relating back to Rose and her situation towards the patient, nor did Kanaya bring up how she felt about their displays of affection towards one another. In fact, the two of them seemed to push their own troubles to the back of their minds, in order to make the meal more pleasant and enjoyable.

Kanaya ended up talking about her clothing line a bit, and how she was rather thrilled to know they enjoyed her designs so much. She mentioned as to how they would be appearing in one of the many high end fashion magazines that seemed to be filling the market lately. They guaranteed to her how they would be talking to stores, possibly getting her design into the retail market.

Rose couldn't help but continue to congratulate her throughout the meal on her good job. She was actually rather proud of her accomplishments.

When their meal finished, Kanaya took her packaged up food and Rose picked up her purse, leaving the money for the bill on the table and walking out with Kanaya.

The two walked to Rose's car first, standing outside of it.

"I'll see you when I get home." Rose spoke, unlocking the car door.

"Alright." she replied with a smile, "Try not to be too late, alright?"

"Don't worry, I won't be." Rose replied as she opened her car door.

Kanaya watched her as she was about to get into the car. "Oh, Rose?"

"Hm?" Rose asked, turning back to her.

Kanaya was still standing there, then with her free hand, she placed it behind Rose's neck to pull her in for a kiss.

However, Rose's reaction was the last thing she had wanted.

The girl had retreated, placing a hand on Kanaya's chest to push her back gently, as if forcing her away in a considerate manner. "Not here, Kanaya." she spoke in a hushed tone.

Kanaya frowned, then let go of Rose and stepped back, watching the blonde get in her car. She saw a small wave from behind the windshield, and she waved back before watching Rose drive off.

She stood there for a moment, letting out a small sigh, feeling a tear trail down her cheek. She wiped it and saw how some of the peach make up came off with it and frowned once more. Kanaya let out another sigh and walked over to a nearby trash can, dumping her packaged food inside of it. Her appetite had completely vanished.


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the day went rather well for Rose. She had somehow managed to put her thoughts about her patient behind, and deal with her other appointments scheduled for that afternoon. As the day drew to a close, she ended up packing up her things and exiting the building, wishing nothing more than a simple farewell and have a nice evening to her secretary. Not really wanting to stick around for idle chatter with the woman.

As she got into her car, she looked down at her phone. It didn't appear that Kanaya had tried to message her for any plans about dinner or anything. The behavior was rather odd, but she decided not to look to far into it, presuming Kanaya may have gone ahead and gotten supper started, or just had taken care of her own appetite rather than wait for Rose. Kanaya didn't normally do this, but it wasn't something that Rose was going to worry over.

After a short while, Rose pulled up in front of the home in which she shared with Kanaya. She got out, noticing that Kanaya was in fact home, and went ahead and let herself inside.

"Kanaya?" Rose called out, walking through the spacious building as she searched for the other woman. There was no sign of her, which was in fact odd, considering that her car was in the parking lot and the lights were on.

"Perhaps she is in her studio..." Rose whispered to herself, making her way down the hall. It was sort of a small reassurance that she decided to grasp onto. It was common for Kanaya to stay behind closed doors in her studio, which could explain as to why she didn't answer. She could have simply not heard her.

Rose knocked on the door to Kanaya's studio. "Kanaya?" she asked. No response. She tried knocking again, repeating Kanaya's name but continuously hearing no answer in response. Could she have not been in there?

The blonde placed her hand on the handle and turned it. The door was unlocked and gave in with a small clicking noise as she pushed it open. She glanced inside to find the studio as it normally was, a chaotic mess of fabric and designs, the only thing missing was Kanaya.

An unsettling feeling began to grow in the pit of Rose's stomach as she closed the door, turning to look around the rest of the house. The study yielded to nothing, the living room. vacant. even their bedroom and all the bathrooms led to no results or hints of Kanaya's whereabouts.

Finally, Rose arrived in the kitchen, there was a kettle on the stove set to a low heat, so that was a hint that clearly Kanaya must have been in the area since neither of them were forgetful enough to leave the stove on before heading out. She looked around the kitchen, walking over to the table to find no one there, then over to the pantry to see if perhaps Kanaya was in there looking for something to consume. Alas, nothing.

Rose felt unsettled and went back to the table, taking a seat as she crossed her hands, looking down at them as she tried to think of other places in which Kanaya would be. Normally, the two of them could find the other rather quickly. even though they lived in such a large house. They were aware of each other's habits, the areas in which they were most commonly found, so a game of cat and mouse like this was quite peculiar.

After a few moments, Rose pulled out her phone, dialing in Kanaya's number. She found it rather ridiculous to have to stoop to such levels as to make a phone call, but she supposed a situation like this called for it when she had no idea where Kanaya could have been. A feeling of worry sat in as she heard the phone ring, yielding no answer.

However, Rose could hear the muted sound of the other's phone chiming from somewhere. Rose stood, to follow the source. This was a hint alone as to Kanaya's general location, or at least she hoped it was.

As she followed the sound, it brought her to the back patio, one of the few places she didn't check for it was not common of Kanaya to go out there alone. She looked out the glass sliding doors, seeing Kanaya's phone on the table, chiming and vibrating as Kanaya ignored it. The woman was standing a ways away from the table, a cup of tea in her hand as she didn't even flinch to the phone having spastic reactions just meters away from her.

Rose opened the sliding glass door, Kanaya didn't turn to look at her. "Kanaya?" Rose called out, walking over to her.

Kanaya turned her head slightly, seeing that it was Rose, "Oh, hello darling."

Rose frowned, "I have been calling and looking all over for you. Why didn't you answer? I was getting worried."

Kanaya turned away again, taking a sip of the cup of tea in her hand, "Do forgive me for that. I was simply thinking about things and spaced out for a moment."

"That was a pretty long moment." Rose replied, "I've been looking around for you for at least fifteen minutes now. I was calling your name and you didn't answer."

"Sorry, I didn't hear you." Kanaya replied simply.

Rose let out a sigh, "It's fine." She looked at Kanaya, observing her profile image. Her eyes were fixed towards some direction out in the distance. She extended her hand and brushed the woman's cheek. She didn't seem to respond, not a flinch, a smile, nothing. "Just please don't worry me like that."

"Sorry." Kanaya spoke again in a mutter. Rose noticed how her mouth hardly even opened to speak.

She took Kanaya's face in her hands. Her skin felt cold against hers, as if she had been standing out in the wind for quite some time now, more than likely the only thing continually providing her warmth was the disappearing sun and the cup of tea in her hand. Rose leaned in to give her a kiss but felt Kanaya instantly pull back, leaning a bit away from her.

Rose was confused by her actions and leaned in once more, only to find Kanaya deterring from her, leaning her body back at an angle.

"Kanaya? What on Earth are you doing?" Rose asked. This behavior, above any, was incredibly peculiar when it came to Kanaya. Generally, Kanaya welcomed any opportunity for a kiss, for affection, but for her to reject any advance of Rose whatsoever was completely out of the ordinary.

She just made a small groan in response as she shrugged her shoulders, stepping away from Rose. "I'm going to bed."

"It's so early though..." Rose replied, taking a step closer as Kanaya stepped back. "Are you not feeling well?" she asked, placing a hand on her forehead. Kanaya instantly pulled back, snapping at Rose.

"For goodness sakes, Rose, can't I just go to bed in peace?" her tone sounded irritated, as if she was in an incredibly bad mood, "You don't need to know my reason behind everything that I do. Maybe I have a headache, maybe I am just tired. Jegus, can you just leave me alone for one moment? You don't have to psychoanalyze everything about a person, especially me!" And with that, Kanaya turned and walked away with a swift pace, sliding the glass door closed with a loud bang before retreating further into the house.

Rose stood there with utter confusion. She had no idea what exactly had just happened. She felt obligated to follow, knowing that Kanaya must have been angered by something, along with the growing concern in the pit of her stomach, but at the same time, she knew it was probably best that she let Kanaya cool down on her own accord.

She walked back into the house, closing the door gently. She took notice that even in her fit of fury, Kanaya did still turn the stove off, and placed her tea cup into the sink. She walked over and washed Kanaya's cup out, drying it and placing it back into one of the cupboards.

After, she turned away again, venturing towards the room she shared with Kanaya, double checking to see if perhaps Kanaya had cooled off a bit. She walked against the door, it was cracked open a tad. She peered inside to not find Kanaya in bed, instead, she could hear the distinct sound of water rushing.

On the inside of the room, Kanaya had turned on the shower that was in the bathroom which connected to their bedroom. She had stood a moment, waiting for the water to heat up as she stripped out oh her clothing. She looked down at the peach make up that covered her body, some parts of her regular skin tone revealed, mostly because they were commonly covered by her clothing.

She stared at her hands for a long time, the water in the background becoming a white noise that she blocked out. Kanaya looked up into the mirror, staring at her reflection, the two skin tones clashing, one the real, but being completely taken over by the fake. "What am I even doing?" she whispered.

Kanaya put her hands on the bathroom counter, leaning against them as she stared down at the peach coloration. Kanaya had become aware of it, she would continuously have to put on a fake personality, because people would never accept the real her. They were terrified, scared of the abnormal, and she was completely aware of that.

But she wouldn't continue to put up with constantly painting herself into her own disguise if it weren't for Rose.

It was Rose that made it all worth it.

It was Rose that made Kanaya willing to be so fake to the world.

Otherwise, none of it would matter.

Kanaya felt liquid slide down her cheeks. She looked up at her reflection again. Jade tears were falling down the sides of her face, taking bits of the peach make up with her and revealing her alien-like skin beneath it. No matter what she did, she would never be human, as much as she wanted to. She wanted to be human for Rose, she wanted to do anything for Rose because deep down, Kanaya was completely aware that she was in love with her. Rose was more than her Matesprit, Rose was her lover, her friend, her everything. She did more than transcended the quadrants. Her love for Rose was greater than any troll romance could ever hope to come close to describing.

But she didn't feel Rose sending back those same emotions, and that is what killed her inside.

Kanaya wished she knew how Rose truly felt. At times, she felt as though Rose never really loved her, that their entire relationship was completely fake, all those I love yous meant nothing, and the thought killed her inside.

Another thought that passed her mind was that Rose was embarrassed of her. Not only for her peculiar appearance, but because of her gender as well. In the same situation of her queer appearance, Rose had the similar feeling towards the judgement of their relationship. Rose had shared stories with Kanaya, how two women together was something that society, at least where they lived, couldn't accept openly. Even though Kanaya found it trivial that humans acted as such, she willingly accepted how Rose felt about the matter simply for the fact that she alone had loved Rose so much that she would willingly give her all for her.

But regardless of what she did for Rose's own protection, it all still stung so much inside. Every time Rose pulled her hand away, every time she evaded a kiss, Kanaya could feel a small part of her heart shatter, falling into some black darkness. By this point, it had become a million little pieces, but still continued to break even more, far beyond what she thought was possible.

All Kanaya wanted to do was be able to walk hand and hand with Rose down the street, but she knew it was never going to happen.

She pushed herself away from the bathroom counter, turning and moving towards the shower, stepping inside and leaning against the cold wall, watching as the peach make up swirled into the drain.

And on the other side of the door had stood Rose, who made her way into their bedroom, leaning against the one of the dressers with her arms crossed, a frown on her face. She had watch Kanaya's whole ordeal as she looked into the mirror. It was at this point that Rose wanted to know what was going through the other woman's mind, she just wanted her to stop crying.

As the time passed, Kanaya had retreated to bed. Rose didn't end up joining her till the sky had grown dark, and the whole matter didn't go well.

Kanaya was lying in their bed, her back facing away from Rose's side as Rose made her way into the bedroom. Rose looked over at her and spoke in a calm tone, "Kanaya, I'm certain you aren't asleep."

The other didn't say anything, she just shifted slightly, pulling the covers further over her body to cover her shoulders.

Rose walked over and sat on the bed, leaning over and brushing a bit of Kanaya's hair back, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Rose, please leave me alone." Kanaya spoke instantly.

Rose retreated, "Kanaya, what has been your problem lately?"

"Please just leave me alone." she repeated, not turning to look at Rose.

The blonde frowned, sitting up normally. She couldn't understand what was up with Kanaya, why she was acting this way, but she wished more than anything that she knew. Rose let out a small sigh, turning to face the other direction as she lied down, extending one are to shut off the bedside lamp, leaving the two in darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

_"Jegus, can you just leave me alone for one moment?"_

"...Lalonde?"

_"What am I even doing?"_

"...Dr...Lalonde...?"

_"Please just leave me alone."_

"Dr. Lalonde?"

Rose snapped out of her thoughts, looking back up from her clipboard at her patient. It was Irene, the same girl from yesterday, who was now sitting on the couch in her room, looking curiously at Rose.

"Are you alright, Dr. Lalonde?" she asked.

The woman felt guilty, this was probably the fifth time she had zoned out today, and the second time during her session with Irene. She hadn't even heard part of what Irene had told her, and that was a terrible thing on her part, but she simply couldn't shake her own personal problems from her mind. "Oh, I'm sorry, Irene. I was just thinking about something. Please continue with what you were saying."

Irene was silent for a moment, then her eyes began to wander around the room. "Dr. Lalonde, I have a question."

"Please, feel free to ask." Rose responded.

Irene's eyes went to Rose, looking directly into hers. "Dr. Lalonde, are you married?"

Rose instantly felt like a dear in headlights and broke her gaze with Irene. She let out a small breath of air and tapped her pen on her notepad, trying to eliminate any panic upon the subject. She felt bad to lie to Irene, but she figured she would at least be able to feed around the subject.

"No." she answered a few moments later, "I am not married. But I don't think that is really the case here, Irene. We are supposed to be talking about you."

The girl chewed the inside of her cheek for a moment as she swung her feet back and forth of the edge of the couch. "Why not?" she asked, deciding to further the interrogation of Rose's love life. "I for one think you are very beautiful and a wonderful person."

A small smile crossed Rose's lips as she looked at the girl on the couch, who had returned to glancing around the room. "Thank you, Irene." she spoke, "But just because you think so, doesn't necessarily mean it is a true statement." And when she said that, she meant it. Lately, Rose felt that she was hardly a good person at all. She wasn't entirely sure as to why she felt that way, but it was obvious that she did. She only wished she knew why, however, so that she could correct her errors, because whatever she was doing wrong was hurting Kanaya, and that was something she could hardly bear.

"Where is that picture of you with your friend?" Irene suddenly asked, looking over at Rose's desk.

Rose looked back over. Of course, the image was sitting in her desk drawer, but she couldn't exactly explain that to her patient. It would seem odd for someone to do such a thing. "Oh that...um." The woman was hesitant with her words, trying to think of something that sounded logical. "One of my patients was angered yesterday afternoon, and accidently knocked it okay and the glass shattered."

"Why didn't you go buy a new one?"

She shrugged in response, frowning at the thought of having to lie like this, "I just didn't have the time last night. I was busy with a lot of things." She turned her attention back over to Irene, "Now please, why don't we stay on topic for more than thirty seconds?"

"Oh, sorry." she replied, then laid down on the couch as she looked up towards the ceiling, extending an arm as she traced shapes on the surface of it with her finger. In the air, it looked like she had drawn a rabbit, but in actuality it was just nothingness. "Well, today, I went up to her."

"The girl you keep talking about?"

Irene nodded, "Yeah, her." She paused for a moment and smiled, "I gave her a note."

_"Here." Rose said in a flat tone, one that contained little to no emotion, let alone enthusiasm as she handed over an envelope, one that was sealed tight with the girl's name written on the front of it._

_The girl raised a brow, giving the goth a strange look before taking the note. "Um, not to sound rude or anything, but why are you giving me this note, Rose?"_

_Rose just sort of stared at her for a moment. She was pretty, and Rose could appreciate that. At this time in her life, Rose failed to see people past their outer appearance, because that was all she really had enough of to judge them. She hardly had the time, or the willpower, to try and probe these idiot's minds, so she would sit alone. However, she had noticed this girl seemed to get along with everyone rather well and was actually rather affectionate towards all of her friends. It was with this person that Rose had a small slimmer of hope for, and to which she had developed an attraction towards._

_"Just read it when you get home." she finally answered._

_The girl stared at her in response then looked down at the letter, "Um, okay." she smiled a bit, "It must be important, huh?"_

_"You could say that."_

_The girl arose from her desk and pulled out her phone, "Hey Rose, give me your number, kay?"_

_Rose felt her heart skip a beat. "W-Why?" she asked, her grip around her books growing a bit tighter as she tried to conceal her emotions._

_"Cause, silly!" she replied with a giggle, "This letter thingy is important, right? If that's so, I wanna make sure I can reply to you pronto!" She held out her phone to Rose, "Come on, put in your number and I'll give you mine!"_

_"Um...Alright then." Rose replied, taking out her own phone and handing it to the girl. She took the girl's phone in hand and programmed her number, saving it then handing it back to her as she did the same._

_"I'll text you later then, kay?" she replied with a smile then picked up her back pack. "See ya later, Rose!" She waved goodbye to her and left the classroom._

_Rose stood there for a long moment, a smile creeping across her face as she looked at her phone. She really did it, she got her number._

Rose blinked a few times then looked at Irene, "How did that go? Do you want to tell me what the note said?"

Irene shrugged, "It just sort of was about me telling her how I liked her and stuff." the girl smiled at the thought of it.

"And did it go well?" Rose asked.

"I'd like to say it did!" Irene replied, sitting up. "I gave it to her this morning, and she totally seemed to be okay. I don't know if she read it, but in gym class she waved at me, so it seems like it went well!"

"Are you friend's with this girl?"

"Well..." Irene shrugged, "Sort of. I mean, we've talked before, and we know each other...but it's kind of like that, we are friends, but we don't go out of our way to hang out thing, you know?" She shrugged again, "But still, I think I know her pretty well."

Rose was silent for a moment, "What do you like about her?"

"Her eccentric, friendly nature." Irene replied almost instantly, "She is really lovable, and she is super funny too! Which is really awesome. She is good at sports, and sometimes we partner together on teams or in class."

The woman nodded, "Well, that sounds like something rather nice, I'm glad for you. Have you heard anything else from her yet?"

"Nah, other than when we last saw each other at school today."

Rose nodded then looked at the time, "Well, I hope that all goes well for you, but it looks as though our time is up."

Irene frowned, "Aww, really?" She stood, "I wish it wasn't. There is still tons that I want to tell you, I feel like these sessions just aren't long enough."

The blonde stood as well, smiling at her, "Maybe that's because you start talking about random things each time we see each other."

"I can't really help it." the girl replied as she looked over at Rose, "Just, whenever I see something interesting, or a thought pops into my mind, I can't help but bring it up in conversation because there is something interesting about it, you know?"

Rose nodded, although she had to disagree in all honesty for she hardly did the thing in which Irene had mentioned.

"Anyway..." Irene continued, "Is it possible that maybe we could meet outside of our lessons? Like, we could hang out or something! Go to the park and talk, or go get smoothies or something!"

Rose blinked several times, actually rather shocked about what her patient was asking. Not only was it odd that she enjoyed coming to the appointments (which most loathed and cursed their parents for), but she actually wanted to have more of them. Rose cleared her throat and looked at Irene, "I have to advise against this, it's generally not something professional for me to do."

A frown crossed the girl's face as she picked up her bag that was sitting next to the couch. "Come on!" she complained, "I know you are supposed to be my psychiatrist and everything, but it doesn't have to be completely professional!" she let out a groan and pulled out her phone, opening it up and handing it to Rose, "I just want to hang out, as friends! Cause you know, you are my friend!" a smile crossed her face, "You don't always have to be my psychiatrist, you know. You can just have fun too! Don't you ever do that?"

The woman held the phone in her hand cautiously, staring at it for a long while as she debated her options. She was well aware that Irene put complete trust into her, and she probably was just innocently looking for a friend, because that is what she considered Rose. However, there was that whole other worldly aspect that Rose couldn't go without considering. She was well aware as to how strange such a relationship would look to the outside world, considering just well alone how odd the concept of her and Kanaya were together. People were bound to look, to question and to judge, and she wasn't quite sure if she was willing to deal with that. Especially her other patients and her parents.

Rose pursed her lips and looked at the screen of the phone again. She was well aware that Irene was staring at her, waiting for her to put in the number. Rose exhaled deeply, "I will only give you my personal cell phone so that we can talk if you ever need to. But that is it." she spoke firmly as she typed in the number.

"Okay!" It seemed like Irene was willing to accept the offer. "Can I see your phone? So I can give you my number?"

"You can just write it down-"

"Nah!" Irene spoke with a smile as she walked over to Rose's desk, picking up the cellphone sitting on it before Rose could react, "This is yours phone right? I will just save the number in there now so you wont lose it!"

Rose sat there uncomfortably, not wanting to act out in response. It was too late, Irene already had the phone. She couldn't just take it from her now, it would be too suspicious.

The girl opened up her phone and stared at the wallpaper for a moment. It was a picture of Kanaya sitting in her studio at a desk, looking over in the direction with a smile on her face, as if Rose had come in with her phone and told Kanaya to smile so that she could have a picture of her on her phone. Irene didn't say anything, but she definitely recognized that it was the same woman from the other photo. She simply flashed a small smile and put in her number before setting the phone back down. "I'll text you later, alright, Dr. Lalonde?"

Rose was still frozen, Irene didn't seem to react, but she presumed that deep down the girl was probably thinking of a million possibilities as to why Rose had Kanaya in so many aspects of her life. "That's fine." Rose spoke quietly.

Irene's face brightened, "Okay! Well, I am going to head home!" she walked over to the door and waved goodbye, "See you later Dr. Lalonde!"

"Goodbye, Irene." Rose replied, waiting till the girl left. When she heard the door close shut, she still sat there for a moment. "Dammit..." she whispered, silently cursing herself.


	7. Chapter 7

A heavy sigh escaped from Rose's lips as she closed her car door. They day had been way too long, and too much for her to deal with both emotionally and physically. She felt absolutely drained, and all she wanted to do was sleep. However, she dreaded what was on the other side of that door, which was something that she didn't wish she had to dread.

She looked over in the direction of the house she shared with Kanaya. She could see the lights from inside shining out the windows and in to the quickly coming darkness as the sun began to disappear behind the horizon. Rose watched as she saw Kanaya's figure glide through the living room, the silhouette passing by slowly, as if she was almost unsure as to what she was doing.

Rose stood frozen in place, unsure as to what to do. She knew that she would have to cross paths with Kanaya, and generally, the idea didn't bother her under normal circumstances. However, after Kanaya's episode the previous evening, she had no idea as to how Kanaya was feeling emotionally. As a psychiatrist, she felt as though she should have been able to deal with Kanaya's mood swings, but the problem was that they weren't entirely common, so this really was a shock.

Another heavy sigh escaped her lips as she took the first step, Rose felt as though she was walking into her grave. Did Kanaya still have that chainsaw? Rose was surprised that she could hardly remember. She would have thought such an important aspect of Kanaya's life, especially when it came to a deadly weapon, would have been something she kept track of.

But Kanaya isn't that irrational. Rose was well aware of that, which put her at ease.

But she did saw that other troll in half…

"No…" Rose whispered to herself, shaking the idea from her head. She was jumping to conclusions that were completely illogical.

She made her way up to the door, pulling out her keys and unlocking it, taking a step inside. She glanced to her right, into the living room, only to find Kanaya sitting on one of the chairs, her back straight and holding a cup of tea in her hand. Her eyes were closed and she looked at ease. Rose figured she would refrain from talking, not wanting to upset her when she seemed so calm.

However, Kanaya was aware of Rose's entrance into the house. "Hello, darling." she spoke, her eyes not opening, nor turning to the direction of the front door. "How was work today?"

Rose stopped dead in her tracks and turned her body completely towards Kanaya. "Oh, hello dear." she replied, leaning her body against the doorframe. "Work was alright, rather uneventful."

"Didn't you meet with that young girl today?" Kanaya questioned, her eyes flittering open as she stared down at her tea.

"Oh…" Rose placed a hand on the doorframe as she looked down towards the ground, "Yes, I did meet with Irene today."

Kanaya didn't speak for a moment, as if she was mulling over something in her mind. "Is there something wrong?"

Rose stood there for a moment, her eyes looked as though they were saddened, as if they were carrying some sort of heavy burden that Rose herself wasn't even entirely aware of. "No." Rose replied simply after a few moments of silence, "It's just interesting."

"Oh?" Kanaya asked.

The blonde nodded in response, "Yes."

There was a silence between the two. It was thick, and it felt as if someone were to breath, the air around them would absolutely shatter and everything would fall to pieces. It was incasing the two of them, creating a stillness that both of them were too afraid to attempt to remove from the atmosphere. A single movement felt as though it could crush them, as if the gravity around them could double and flatten them like a pancake.

The sound of breath escaping suddenly filled the room. Kanaya continued to sit still, but Rose looked over at her, taking a step forward, breaking that silence. "Kanaya, I need to talk to you."

On both sides, no matter the person, or the situation, any for of needing to talk was enough to send a huge sense of panic through anyone. You have no idea what the other would say, and it was terrifying.

"Yes?" Kanaya replied, an uneasiness in her tone.

Rose had forced herself to walk over to the other chair that sat across from Kanaya. She looked over at her, locking her gaze with the trolls eyes. Kanaya's breath was slow, but she could see her chest rising and falling, as if she was anticipating for Rose to respond, while at the same time trying to suppress her emotions.

She stared into her eyes, parting her lips slightly as she tried to make herself form the words. "Kanaya…" she spoke again, then let out a huge sigh, closing her eyes for a brief moment before she opened them, looking back into hers. "Please, I need to know why you are mad at me. I can't take this ignorance about the subject."

Kanaya's chest rose and fell once more before she opened her mouth to speak, "I find the simplest way to begin this is by stating, 'Rose, what the hell.'"

Rose blinked, "What?" she asked, her tone rather shocked.

"I believe you heard me, because I know you don't suffer from any form of hearing loss." Kanaya replied simply, she stared at Rose, her body still not moving as she took in another breath. "To be honest with you, Rose, the things you do actually irritate me in ways upon which you cannot imagine."

"Well," Rose replied, crossing her legs as she laid her hands atop her lap, "what is it that I am doing?"

Kanaya took a sip of her tea before she chose to speak again, "I'm surprised you can't see it, to be honest." She lowered the cup from her lips, "Sometimes, I feel as though you don't think of my as your girl friend, and it irritates me."

Rose raised a brow, "Why on Earth would you ever think that?"

"Can you not see what you do?" Kanaya questioned, "I mean, honestly. You are a psychiatrist. I would have expected you to have guessed my unsettling nature, to realize your own emotional falters as well as mine. I know you better than anyone, and you know me better than any of your patients that you see daily. How is it that you couldn't see this? That you couldn't see how much you upset me?"

"Kanaya." Rose's tone had a slight hint of desperation as she tried to keep it calm, "What am I doing?"

"How can you not see it?" Kanaya cried in a quiet tone, "How can you not honestly see it?" She tried to fight back tears as she sat her tea cup on the table next to her. She stood and walked over to Rose, pulling a handkerchief out and wiping it hard onto her cheek, smearing the make up down the side of her face, revealing her grey skin as she held the rag out for Rose, showing her the peach make up. "Look what I do for you, Rose." she spoke.

Rose took the handkerchief and stared at the peach make up on it, then looked back up at Kanaya. She looked absolutely broken. "Look what I do for you…" she repeated in a broken tone. "I literally hide my own heritage, the true person I am, just to satisfy you, to make you happy, so that we can be 'accepted' in your ridiculous, judgmental, Earth society that I can't help but say is complete and utter bull shit."

"I'm sorry, Kanaya," Rose retorted instantly, "But it isn't as if I am the one who decides as to what is socially acceptable on this planet. Believe me, I think some aspects are unfair in regards to it as well but we can't exactly change it-"

"Well why should it matter to you?" she interrupted, "I'd think that something as simple even as holding your girl friend's hand in public was far more important to you than any sort of social judgment. Why does that even matter to you so much? Why are you allowing for society to dictate the aspects of how you live your life? What makes you happy, what makes you sad! Why are you allowing them to do that to you, Rose? To do that to us!"

"Kanaya, why on Earth should it matter?" Rose replied, "You know that I consider you to be my girl friend, shouldn't that be enough to you? You are well aware that I am in love with you, so why is this so hard for you to live by?"

"Because I think it's unfair that you cannot treat me the same why in public as you do at home!" Kanaya retorted, "I feel like when we go out somewhere, you are not even the same person. I feel as though I hardly even know you anymore! You will never hold my hand, in fact, you hardly even hug me! The simple concept of a kiss has you in a panic, and I find it absolute ridiculous because all I want to do is be able to love you all the time, but you are making that even more and more impossible to accomplish with every passing moment."

"Kanaya I have explained this to you before!" Rose replied, trying to keep her tone soft, but it was incredibly difficult for her not to add some volume to her voice. "You are well aware that I cannot jeopardize my own business like that. I cannot tell you how many people on this planet are uncomfortable by the idea of a person with homosexual tendencies. It's something that you just cannot understand."

"Then make me understand!" Kanaya pleaded, "Because right now, it is hurting me far too much to know that I have to hide my feelings for you!" A jade tear slid down her cheek, "Sometimes I feel as though you do not even love me-"

"Never say that." Rose instantly snapped, her eyes sharpening.

Kanaya instantly stopped talking. She stared at Rose for a long time in silence, then looked down at her own lap, tears dripping down her cheeks as she sobbed quietly, peach make up smearing down in streaks.

Rose just looked at her, not saying anything to her. She felt compelled to reach out, to hug her, place a hand on her shoulder, anything that could possibly help to comfort Kanaya but she just couldn't bring herself to do it, she just couldn't bring herself to say anything. It was all just far too increasingly difficult to do anything.

After a long moment, Rose exhaled. She had been holding in her breath for the whole silence, unable to breathe as she watched Kanaya crumble right before her eyes. "I never want you to live with the idea that I don't love you." she whispered quietly.

"Sometimes I just feel like you do not…" she sobbed softly.

Rose was quiet, "I never want you to feel that." Rose spoke, "Because frankly, it isn't true."

Kanaya didn't look up, she just stayed there, looking down, her face in her hands, "Why can you never show me then? Why can you not show me that you love me? Make me feel it, Gog, just anything…"

"What do you want me to do about it?" Rose whispered, still staring at her.

"Just love me…" Kanaya whispered in response, "Make me feel like you honestly love me, like you always tell me…"

Rose didn't say anything. Kanaya looked up when she heard the chair shift, seeing Rose had stood and was making her way over to her. The blonde leaned over, giving her a small kiss on the forehead. Kanaya sat there, staring at her for a long moment as she shakily reached up, holding Rose's face gently in her hands. Her skin felt soft to her touch, and she felt a warm liquid drip onto her fingers as a tear rolled down Rose's cheek.

The blonde placed a hand on Kanaya's wrist and closed her eyes for a moment. "I feel as though I am tired, I believe that I am going to retire to bed soon." "I made dinner." Kanaya commented. "Should I bring some up to you?"

A small smile crossed Rose's lips as she opened her eyes once more, "If you wish." She let go of Kanaya's wrist and stepped away, leaving the room.

Kanaya sat there for a long time after she left, staring at the walk way in which Rose exited.

As Rose returned to her room, she sat on her bed, her phone suddenly chiming as she did so. She opened her phone and looked at the screen, it was a message from Irene.

She read over the text, as to how Irene was requesting that the two of them hang out tomorrow, going to fetch a cup of coffee downtown around lunch time. Rose sighed, staring at the message for some time, debating what she should do. The girl probably needed to talk, and it was wrong of her to deny her.

_Of course. I shall see you there then. _


	8. Chapter 8

_Before I begin this chapter, I would like to state something. I am sorry for taking so long to update, but I have been incredibly busy and I am actually about to go on a trip for 23 days and will have limited internet access. I will **try** to make a few more chapters but there will be **no guarantees. **_

_However, I would like to make something noted: Please do not create fan continuations **WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.** Although I am honored you want to, I have my own idea with the story and I do not wish for anyone else to carry it out for me or take it in some strange direction._

_I'm not trying to be rude, but when someone else takes my story and tries to change it, it is** incredibly insulting** to me and I prefer you not do it. I witnessed it once, and it actually **highly offended** me and I would honestly appreciate that you refrain from anything like this in the future. _

_Now, here it is, the **actual** continuation of "I'm not supposed to be the patient here"._

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><p>Rose was still uncertain as to what her standing was with Kanaya. When she had awoken that morning, Kanaya was there. She had no idea at what time the troll woman had retired, but she was clinging to Rose, her arms wrapped around her just like before all the drama took place. Rose took that as a good sign, but she wasn't entirely sure any longer. Everything was so confusing, she felt as though her own mind was jumbled around.<p>

Kanaya had made breakfast, kissed her goodbye, but then at the same time held a depressed aura around her. Every second that passed just made Rose more confused than before. She could hardly read Kanaya anymore, she could hardly understand the person that she had known so well before.

Thoughts about the matter continued to plague her mind all the way up to her meeting with Irene. As she sat quietly at the table, awaiting the arrival of the teenaged girl, she allowed the thoughts to buzz in her mind, even though she wanted more than anything for them to be placed somewhere in the back of her mind to never be touched again.

A forced smile made its way across her face when she saw Irene arrive. Rose simply couldn't allow the young girl to discover her burdens, she was well aware the girl was going through her own, and was unable to think of even causing her any sort of stress or concern beyond what she already felt.

"Hey!" Irene spoke with a cheerful tone as she took a seat across the table from Rose. A large smile was beaming across her face, which somewhat was able to cause Rose's heart to feel a little higher. The enthusiasm of the young girl definitely was able to transfer from person to person.

"Good afternoon, Irene." Rose spoke, a warm smile now across her face. She paused for a short moment, "Aren't you supposed to be in class right now?"

"It's….a holiday?" Her tone was obviously lying.

Rose quirked a brow, leaning in a bit as she rested her elbows on the table then rested her chin atop her interlaced fingers. "Mhmm…" She couldn't help but follow up with a small chuckle, and returned to a standard upright position.

She tried hide a pained expression as she observed the place that had been chosen. It was a location in which her and Kanaya had visited quite frequently, and there were a lot of memories that lurked throughout the place.

Her gaze drifted over to one of the empty tables, and it was almost as if she could see the memory in itself taking shape. The same sunny day with a cool breeze, two women sitting across from each other, chuckling, enjoying their drinks. For a moment, Rose missed it, which was odd. She still had Kanaya, at least she hoped. Maybe things would get better, maybe they would go back to how they were before, enjoying life and refraining from the fights. Regardless, Rose still felt pain thinking about the happier times, because right now, things weren't like that for her and her partner.

"Dr. Lalonde?" Irene suddenly imposed, waving her hand in front of the woman's face.

Rose looked over at her, eyes wide as she blinked a few times, "Oh, pardon me. I was just thinking."

"Oh, well…do you know what you want?" the teen asked, "The waitress is waiting."

The woman looked over to find the waitress there, waiting with her small, leather notepad and spoke her order, trying to avoid feeling like a fool for zoning out like that.

When the woman left, Rose looked back at Irene, "So was there anything you wanted to talk about?" She inquired.

Irene shrugged, the watched as the waitress placed their beverages in front of them. Irene had gotten an iced coffee and took a sip of it before talking, "Not really. I mean, I did get a call from her though!" Her tone sounded enthusiastic, and suddenly a bright smile was on her face as the memory flooded back into her mind. "It turns out that Friday night she's going to have a sleepover with some of her friends, and she invited me to it!"

Rose raised her eyebrows, a bit in surprise, "Oh, really? Well, that sounds exciting."

The girl nodded and smiled, "Yeah, I'm super excited!"

The rest of the meal followed with some small talk, a little bit about Irene's crush, which Rose finally found out's name was Carly, and that Irene had supposedly been going off and on about whether or not to tell the girl until just recently.

Rose also discovered that she apparently never took an interest in boys.

"It just never felt right." Irene commented, "I tried like, multiple times when I was little to have crushes on boys because that's what all the other girls did, but I felt like I just wasn't supposed to be with one, you know? It just felt wrong!" Rose nodded in response before the girl continued, "It wasn't till about a year ago when I figured, maybe I might be a lesbian."

And conversations like that continued onwards for a short while until their food and drink were finished, upon which they paid and then left the area. The two continued on a walk for a short while, enjoying the downtown area and the lovely weather, Rose continuing to listen to Irene all the while.

Finally, the two stopped atop a bridge, looking out at the cars rushing beneath them to the underneath of the bridge. Quite a lovely architectural walkway when one truly thought about it. Rose stood next to Irene, looking out at the bustling cars as well as the streets lined with people.

"Dr. Lalonde is something troubling you?" Irene suddenly asked, looking up at the older woman.

Rose glanced down at her and shook her head, "Don't worry about my problems." she commented quietly.

"You know you're allowed to talk too, right?" Irene commented in return.

Rose shook her head once more in response. "Really, don't worry."

The girl was quiet for a moment before looking back out to the cars. "It's that one woman from the picture, isn't it?"

The woman was taken aback by Irene's words before she quietly admitted, "Yes," the sound of horns honking below almost drowning her out.

"You like her, don't you?" Irene asked, looking over at Rose.

Rose shook her head, her eyes were fixed upon the railing where her hands rested. "Love." she corrected Irene.

Irene should have been shocked, but she wasn't, she just shrugged and looked back out at the cars. "I kind of guessed it. I mean, you have pictures of her EVERYWHERE. I figured she was probably more than just a super close friend like you make everyone believe."

"I never realized you were so observant." Rose commented, a small smile making it's way across her face.

"Yeah, people don't ever guess that about me." Irene laughed. "So are you guys having problems? Cause you looked so happy the other day with her."

"We got into a fight." Rose spoke solemnly.

"Was it bad?"

"Yes." she sighed, "I'm not sure if she is over it or not though. I got some rather mixed emotions from her this morning, and I'm not sure if things are better by this point or if she is just trying to make it seem that way."

"That sounds like it really blows."

"It does."

The girl was quiet for a moment before finally speaking, "I'm really glad you got to be my therapist, Dr. Lalonde."

"I'm glad to have you as my patient."

And with that, the girl smiled, "Thanks!" she then paused, "Well, I think I need to head back to class."

"I thought you said today was a holiday." Rose commented slyly.

"I mean!" the girl realized her falter, "I…totally…need to get back home!" And with that, she rushed off, leaving Rose alone with her thoughts.

_A text? Oh, so the girl didn't lie about talking to her at a later time. _

"_Can I call you?" the message stated, and Rose stared at her phone for a good moment before answering back with an, "Of course.", her heart was racing all the while. This was the girl who she handed the note to, this was her first crush. _

_A few moments later, the phone chimed and she answered. "Hello?"_

"_Rose!" the girl spoke on the other line. _

"_Oh, hello." Rose replied._

"_So like, I read your note!" _

"_Really?" Rose could feel her heart about o pound out of her chest._

"_Mhmm! And I wanted to tell you it's really neat that you did that, your courage is super admirable!" there was a pause, "So um…I was wondering if you could meet me at lunch tomorrow in the cafeteria? You should come and sit with us! We'll be in back row!"_

_A small smile crossed her face, "Yeah, I would like that." She spoke, trying not to sound too enthusiastic about the matter._

"_Great! We'll see you then!" and with that, the girl on the other end hung up. _

_Rose fell back onto her bed, a somewhat idiotic smile on her face for probably one of the first times in her life. She exhaled happily, till suddenly she heard her pesterchum go off with a message alert. _

_She arose and went over to look at it. Kanaya had messaged her. She debated telling the good news, considering the two had become very close since they'd first began talking, best friends if you will, but she discarded the idea. _

_TT: Hello, Kanaya. I can't talk right now, could you give me a bit and I shall get back to you?_

_GA: That Is Fine I Shall Be Here When You Return_

Rose looked at the display of her phone and sighed a bit. It was getting late in the afternoon, she probably needed to be getting home sometime soon.


	9. Chapter 9

_I have the recommendation of listening to the song Rose is playing when it gets to that part of the chapter. You can find the song here: youtu(dot)be/nsLT33Iskz0_

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><p>And once again, Rose returned to the home she shared with Kanaya. As she stepped inside, she took note that Kanaya was still out, possibly doing who knows what, and that the house was empty, echoing with her footsteps.<p>

Rose slowly passed through the empty home, fingers tracing on the walls, tables, as she took in the thoughts of all the times her and Kanaya smiled together in that home, the happiness they created for themselves.

She felt a fool.

How could she let herself neglect Kanaya like she did? Seeing Kanaya in a mess of tears like that, the thought still absolutely tore her up inside, ripping her heart apart at the seems, and she could see it all falling right before her.

"_I love you"_

She could hear Kanaya speak the words, each syllable echoing inside of her mind. "I love you too." she whispered in return, her words slow, but sound.

Her footsteps were slow as she moved wearily into her study, making her way across the carpeted room, past a desk and bookshelves till she finally came to a small case propped up against one of the shelves. She took it in her hands, laying it across the ground as she blew a light layer of dust off the top before her hands took a hold of the locks and popped them open.

The case was lined with a deep colored velvet on the inside, housing her old violin. She lifted it from the case, holding it up to her chin. It was a bit small for her now, seeing as she hadn't played the thing for years, she needed to get one a bit larger.

But right now that didn't really matter.

She sat the violin back in her case, picking up the bow, applying the rosin, and taking a moment to stare at the old strings. Another thing needing replacement, but right now didn't really matter.

The blonde stood, taking her violin in hand once more as she rested it in place, the bow meeting the strings as she began a familiar melody, one that she learned many years ago.

Sound emitted itself from the instrument, the notes carrying themselves throughout the house as Rose played in solitude, her eyes closing as her fingers worked from memory, pushing down onto the strings as the bow glided across to create eat note.

She took in the music, letting it ring in both her ears and her tattered heart. She thought of Kanaya, because that was the only thing on her mind. Not the pain, not the torment, but the memory of her love for the female troll.

Sunlight poured through the drawn back curtains of the study, the mid afternoon light reflecting off of the chestnut instrument, glistening in a beautiful white light. The sunlight also lit up her smooth, creamy face, a small shimmer emitting from it as a tear slid down her cheek, followed by another, and another.

The music continued, and so did the echoing through the house.

On the other side, standing by the front door stood the troll female, her skin painted, her purse in hand. Her face was solemn, her eyes empty as she listened. She almost found herself in tears. She sat her purse down, arm feeling weak as she reached for the small rack by the door, her purse almost missing the loop as she sat it there.

Her footsteps were quiet down the hall, and the source of the music grew louder. It wasn't until she came into contact with the door of the study when it became incredibly loud to her ears. She let out a shaky breath as she stood in the door way, her eyes fixed on the blonde. She watched her carefully, observing each movement of her fingers.

Rose didn't even notice.

Kanaya didn't mind.

The human played in solitude and the alien watched. Words weren't really needed here in this moment, for the echoing of the notes did the talking, they filled the emotions in the room.

A smile sat on Kanaya's face.

Tears fell down Rose's.

It wasn't until the bow fell across the strings for a final time, chiming out the last note, the end of the song, in which soon after fell silence, only broken by the breathing of the two women.

Rose looked out, Kanaya in her site. Neither of the two said a word, they just stared. Tears still dripped down the Lalonde's cheeks, and Kanaya made her way over.

It was almost instant, but Rose had her arms around Kanaya, regardless that the violin was still in her hands. She didn't care. She dropped the instrument to the floor, holding Kanaya tight in her embrace, letting her calmness shatter right before the woman she loved.

Kanaya held her close, head resting on her shoulder as she smiled, closing her eyes and taking in Rose's warmth. She loved her, everything about her, even her faults.

Rose shook her head, mouth shaping the words "I'm sorry", but her throat too constricted to say them. She pulled back from Kanaya a bit so she could see her face. Rose stared at the peach skin Kanaya had decorated, just for her. Rose took in all of the things Kanaya did just for her. "Thank you." she mouthed, just before kissing her.

The other girl smiled back at her, not saying a thing.

Rose's extended a hand, brushing the woman's cheek as she smeared off a small bit of the make up, grey skin barely showing beneath it. Her lips met that small bit of skin, and her voice finally managed to make phrase the words she wanted to say. "I think you're beautiful." she whispered.

Kanaya closed her eyes again. "Thank you."

Rose held her close, not wanting to let go. "I'm sorry for everything." she whispered. "I shouldn't have done what I did. I never realized what I had done to you." She kissed her face once more, "You are the love of my life, Kanaya Maryam, and it was wrong of me to push you away like that, to deny to everyone my love for you."

She was quiet for a moment, "Let us disregard society's ridiculous falters, let us forget that anything such as that should matter." She kissed Kanaya's forehead, "I love you, and I want the world to know, regardless of how poorly they would take to the idea."

A jade tear slid down the troll's cheek, and Rose instantly kissed it away.


	10. Chapter 10

_Hello, everyone. It has come to my attention that I am dealing with someone who is being rather difficult. I would like to inform everyone that I did not go insane after reading their fan continuation, that I reacted in a just manner. Also, I would like to state that my plane to Europe has not in fact crashed like it has been claimed, and that my plane in fact doesn't leave till next week._

_And if you really must verify, to dismiss any ludicrous claims, just look at the tumblr account I have linked in my profile. I will be posting on there from my phone, so that's how you'll be aware that I am still alive despite what others will say._

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><p>Candlelight lit the room.<p>

"_Faggot!"_

It illuminated the dark room around them.

"_Gay!"_

Across the table, Rose could see the beautiful woman she was proud to call her girlfriend.

"_Why don't you just die?"_

The table was set for two.

"_God, you are such a freak!"_

A delicate meal was set out before them.

"_Why don't you just get out of here?_

"I love you." Rose whispered quietly.

"_Nobody likes you!"_

She kissed the woman's cheek softly.

_Her body hit the floor, hard. _

Rose took her seat.

_She was tired of this._

The memories were pushed to the back of her mind. She wasn't going to deal with it anymore, the ridicule, the bullying, the lack of acceptance, Rose was finished with it. She wasn't going to listen to anyone anymore, because Kanaya was all that mattered. She was tired of living in the pain of her past, it was eating her slowly, and she was not going to put up with it any longer.

Rose looked across the table again, flashing a smile at her before taking Kanaya's hand across the table.

"I love you too." Kanaya whispered, and it was as if the moment that they looked into each other's eyes lasted for an eternity. Rose kissed her hand before letting go of it, and the women sat, enjoying the meal together.

They hardly paid attention to the meal they prepared, they were too busy focusing on the other, living in a world as if they had returned to the honey moon stage of their relationship.

Upon completion of the meal, Rose stood, making her way over to Kanaya where she helped her from her seat, greeting her with a kiss. They left the table, abandoning it as they blew out candles and exited the room, Rose leading her down the hallway, step by step. Kanaya's hand wrapped around Rose's slender waist as the two walked, bringing herself close so their bodies touched.

Before long, the two women found themselves in the bedroom, toppling over onto the soft blankets of their bed, together once more.

The next morning had been like all the others, back when things were going well for the two. Rose awoke to find Kanaya in her arms, her skin pressed against hers and the feeling being absolutely wondrous. She kissed her forehead, holding her tighter in her arms. It was nice for things to be okay once more. Rose laid there for a moment, taking in this feeling until she heard Kanaya awaken.

The two greeted each other, and Kanaya wandered out of the room moments after to go get breakfast started for them to enjoy. Rose arose from the bed, making her way to the bathroom to get ready, and go to work.

The following days continued peacefully and happily like that. Order had once again been restored in the household of Rose Lalonde and Kanaya Maryam. And Rose was honestly happy about that fact. It relieved her.

It wasn't until once again Rose found herself in her office, going through her scheduled appointments, as usual. She could see the looks some of the kids, and their parents gave when they saw the pictures. There was an uneasiness that settled with a few of her customers as they looked around the room, seeing the photos on display.

Rose had a distasteful look on her face each time someone left, this had been exactly what she feared all along, and she had to try and push it to the back of her mind once more, to tell herself that none of their opinions should have mattered.

But it was so difficult to do such things.

"_Yeah so like, your note was really really sweet, Rose." the girl spoke, a smile on her face as she sat across from the youthful, Rose Lalonde. _

_All the other children had made haste abandon from Rose and her crush as soon as they hit the cafeteria doors, darting to get into lunch lines before they swelled to full capacity with the rest of the student body, leaving Rose, who didn't eat lunch, and the girl, who brought her lunch, to sit in solitude at the table. _

"_Oh really now?" Rose asked, quirking a brow as she looked at the girl. Her appearance came off as her usual, calm and mature self, but on the inside, she could fill her stomach churning and flipping wildly. _

"_Mhmm!" she chuckled quietly then looked across at Rose, "Very well written and everything!"_

"_So…" Rose paused, looking down for a moment before looking back up, "What is your answer?" _

_The girl didn't respond at first, she just sat there, as if thinking, "How about you come with me to tonight's football game, and I'll give you an answer then?" _

"_I…" Rose paused, her eyes averting away from the girl, "In all honesty, football isn't really one of my intere-" _

"_Hey so is Rose coming with us?" One of the teens suddenly interrupted, returning to the table with a group of friends following. _

_The girl smiled and answered for Rose, "Yeah! She totally is, right Rose?"_

_Rose looked at the girl, who was now making eye contact. She couldn't help but admire her in her entirety. She was completely consumed with the thought of hanging out with her, outside of a school setting, possibly finding something more with her classmate, the before she knew it, she found herself saying, "I suppose I can give it a go." _

"_Awesome!" one of the kids retorted, a slight chuckle in his tone. _

_Rose shrugged and smiled, then looked over at her crush, her heart was still racing, but she had a glimmer of hope sliver in._

_The following evening, Ms. Lalonde was taken aback by the idea that her daughter actually wanted to go to a school function, but didn't dare question it, she was actually glad to find her daughter wanting to do something for once and secretly hoped she would maybe make a friend or two. _

_Rose arrived at the game a little bit early, then proceeded to search for the girl and her group of friends, upon whom she found talking to some cheerleaders and staff members. _

_The Lalonde smiled softly, walking over to the girl, who quickly turned, smiling at Rose. "Oh, hey Rose!" _

"_Hello…" Rose looked curiously at the people before her, then disregarded them as they all turned their backs to her, walking to their previous stationed areas. _

"_Come on! Let's go get some good seats before they're all taken!" And before Rose knew, her hand was grabbed by the girl and she was drug into a crowd of noisy students and parents, conversing with each other in a loud buzz as they awaited the start of the game. _

_The two sat together, talking a bit before the game started, and the girl mentioned how she was going to make an announcement at half time, and she really wanted Rose to pay attention to it._

_The blonde's heart thumped hard against her chest and she nodded, "Yes, I can do that." _

_From that point, the game proceeded for two quarters, their school barely in the lead, and then half time came around. The girl rose from her seat and cautiously walked through the swarm of bodies all sitting around them, till finally she made it to the bottom, walking around the fence so that she could stand on the field. _

_A cheerleader handed her a megaphone, and she stood in the field, in front of the bleachers for their school, ignoring the visitor's side entirely. _

"_Hello everyone!" she called out, and there were a few strings of hellos that were shouted back in return and the girl smiled. "Now, I'm out here, trying to be a nice person for one of my dear friends, Rose Lalonde. Do any of you guys know her?" _

_People looked around questioningly, followed by some mumbles, "Hey, isn't that that goth girl?" as well as other comments. Rose sat quietly in her seat, trying not to be noticed and just listened to the announcement. _

"_Well, for those of you who don't know this nice girl, she is sitting in Section C, row 4, seat 13." the girl spoke into the megaphone._

_The words echoed out and all of a sudden, Rose could feel all of their eyes on her, and she sunk into the cold, metal bench she was sitting upon. _

"_The other day…Rose gave me something." the girl continued._

"_No…" Rose whispered, her eyes widening. She realized what was coming. _

_The girl held up the note that Rose had written high above her head, to show everyone that it was a letter. "She told me something very very interesting in it!" she paused, "Actually, it was a confession!"_

_There were a few snickers across the crowd. Rose could feel her face turning beat red._

"_Let me read to you what she said…" She opened the envelope, pulling out the paper and proceeded to read the note, line by line, in full detail. When she finished, she put the letter away and looked back at the crowd. Everyone was laughing, Rose couldn't even say a word in response she was so appalled. _

"_Isn't she just a romantic?" the girl laughed, "Well! Here is where I'm gonna be super nice to you, Rose! You see, I totally don't feel that way cause well, I like boys! Call me crazy, but I'm just a normal student!" Some laughter erupted for a short moment, "And like, I don't want you to totally be lonely here, so I'm coming out and saying that Miss Rose Lalonde is an available lesbian, so like, if some of you girls are for some reason into that, there is a perfect candidate right there for you!" _

_Rose was practically frozen in place. She felt absolutely humiliated, she could hardly even breathe her chest felt so heavy. She could hear all the voices murmuring around her, making their comments, and then suddenly she realized it: She was an outcast. She knew how most of the kids felt about that subject, they were all immature high school students who didn't know how to respect anyone, all raised with thick skulls and complete lack of individuality. _

"_Fag." she heard a kid behind her whisper, and she instantly stood, trying to run out of the crowded bleachers. However, after a few steps she was tripped, falling over and hitting her chin on the knee of a girl, grabbing her legs to try and break the fall. She was instantly met with an, "Ew, get off me, lesbian!" And Rose quickly scrambled to her feet, trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. _

_She didn't bother to hear the rest of what her crush had to say, she just left as quickly as possible, running away from the football field until she was out of site. At least there…there of all places, sitting in the darkness next to a school building, out of site of the football field, she could cry._

_Suddenly, she heard her pesterchum go off in her pocket, and saw there was a message from Kanaya._

_GA: How Is Your Human Game Of Football Carrying Out_

_TT: Awful. Simply awful. _


End file.
